I have been thinking a lot lately about impermanence, one of
the most fundamental Buddhist concepts.
The precept reminds us that nothing is constant and that everything
changes. Sometimes events remind us that
we, everyone we care about, and the things that are important to us are
impermanent. What do you do when that
happens?
For
example a friend recently lost his father.
They had been close, but not always. In fact their closeness was just
starting to bud after years of alienation.
What do you when you get the phone call from your friend and he says, between sobs, “My
father just died.” I’m a problem
solver. When I was in high school the
neighborhood kids use to bring me their broken bicycles to repair when their
fathers had given up. My career is a problem solving career. I solve problems. That's what I'm good at. In this case
however there was nothing for me to fix.
My mind was racing, what do I do?
Being present with compassion was the only thing I could find. It didn’t solve the “problem” but I was fully
there.
My
oldest son, a high school student, came to me with a concerned look on his
face. “Dad”, he said, “I have three
exams tomorrow and a term paper that is due.”
No question, just a comment. Immediately
the problem solver inside of me jumped into action. “Well, let’s put a study schedule
together. What do you want me to quiz
you on tonight?” I replied. To my surprise and embarrassment
he said, “Dad, I don’t need to you do anything. I just need you to say, ‘Wow, that’s a lot
for tomorrow.’.” He didn’t need my organization and problem
solving skills. He needed me to be
compassionate and present. Sometimes it
seems that is all that we need to do when the question arises, “What do you do
when . . . ?”
I am
learning that but I'm a slow learner and it has taken me a long time. I hope you too will take
time, when events remind you of impermanence, and learn to quietly respond to others with
compassion and presence. Sometime
problems don’t need to be solved because they aren’t problems. There are just events and loving kindness
(compassion and presence) are all that can be offered and really all that is
needed.
Peace my friends,
Dr. Dave / Keisho Ananda
